Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
