I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
