Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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