Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
