the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
