Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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