We're facebook friends in real life
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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