there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
