i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
