actually, I'm a sock model
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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