I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
