are you still at the devil's house?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
