i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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