the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
