In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
