dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
