god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
