it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
