I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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