the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize