Can i not drive my cunt home
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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