This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
