how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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