Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The air was thick with penises
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
