nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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