he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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