i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
