ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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