mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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