Non-Jews are for practice
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
