Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
