Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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