Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
