don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize