Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
