wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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