Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
