the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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