Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
