Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
