drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
