I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
