I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
