Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
