He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Its about making memories worth repressing
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
