And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
