I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
