We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
