she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
