he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
