Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Welp...herpes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
