omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
