so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
