i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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