he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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