so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
