Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My pussy is not your playground.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
