If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
