a search helicopter?!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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