mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
