dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
