Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
