I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
