I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
