we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize