I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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