she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
