And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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