The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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