You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
