hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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