i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
