id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
