Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
