dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
