ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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