I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Damn victory sex feels great
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
