Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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