i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
