Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My dick has a subreddit
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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