Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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