Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
