weddingsv make me drug and hornr
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
