also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
