glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
