I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
