I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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