i need an iv and a liver transplant
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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