Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
