I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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