there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
