Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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