Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
