it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
