Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
