Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
