hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize