my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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