We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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