You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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