i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
