She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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