...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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