I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
