oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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