You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
