i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The power of my boobs compel you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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