She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize