If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We have started to decorate penises.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
