Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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