I didn't shave. On purpose
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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